MWV CITY DIRECTORY

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The MWVille City Directory lists every one and every thing in Misc.writingville as of 29 September, 1996. Sources are the MWVille archives, posts available on the newsgroup, and information from the denizens of misc.writing.

Although this directory was compiled by Wendy Chatley Green (wcgreen@cris.com), it is not a maintained list. Any corrections, emendations, revisions, or other changes will have to be performed by some other unwitting stooge.

Mary Kay

gentle used goods and books --just off main drag at corner of Heming's Way

Judge Quick

Victorian monstrosity at top of hill; The path from my front gate goes through that vacant lot just off Main Street, (couple of blocks up from the square), so it's just a hop, skip, and stumble from Kate's place. George the butler (fascinated with necks and never seen in day light)

Doc Citron's clinic

five minute walk from Judge Quick

Jack Mingo

down the hill from Judge Quick's. Inveterate punster. Former MWVille policeman (Lt. Mingo,) former real estate agent (Mingo Realty Company,) sacrificed at the 1995 Summer Solstice. An extended trashing of his apartment/house was the first MWV thread that I read on misc.writing (maybe not memorable to *you* . . . .)

Kate's Bar and Grille

at the corner of Hope and Despair--Hound of Cullen often tends bar.

Kate

former partner of Jack Mingo's on the force, now Chief Justice of MWVille, senior partner of KMV, Unlimited, Ltd., and owner of Kate's Bar and Grille. Has a pet thesaurus and a pet giraffe.

Hound of Cullen

junior partner in KMV, Unlimited, Ltd. and barkeep extraordinaire

KMV, Unlimited, Ltd.

purveyor of puddings and fine desserts

Bill Price

village shepherd (and trainer of draught gerbils)

Joe Hargatai

erstwhile village grafitti artist (fatherhood made him turn respectable)

James Leonard

MWV token homeless guy. Once a used-car salesman, Leonard lost his job after attempting to cheat Mingo from his limelight. Since Snake Oil has no existence in MWV, Leonard now hawks the next best thing: Reading Fees. Currently he stalks all novice lurkers under various guises of deception. With the same truthfulness evident in the rest of his spiels, he claims homes in places like Florida, New York and LA.

Hardware and software store -- Tshen and D.Y.

Jinx_tigr

bipedal tiger and roving sonnet repairtigr. Last seen having Earl Grey tea with Ellie and her cat. Mostly harmless.

Fred Welden

quarter acre Republic of Dobonia--wants MWVille removed from the map (although this would leave Dobonia dangling from the face of the earth like spittle from a drunk's lips )

Greg-man

Big red Chevy pickup with a white shell--lives a nomad's life. Later opened the Mental Gymnasium at the corner of Paper Blvd, and Ink Avenue (down the street from Judge Quick's drive-through wedding shack.) Specializes in workouts for your head.

The Summer Solstice Sacrifice and Wiener Roast

A ritual for which the denizens of misc.writing choose by acclamation one of their own as an offering to the writing gods. This celebration, filled with festive contests, limericks, praises of the soon-to-be-dead honoree, and other cheery rituals, occurs on the Summer Solstice (usually the 21st of June.) Jack Mingo was the first Sacrifice; he was beheaded. Deck Deckart was slated to be pricked to death as the second Sacrifice. Aliens rescued him but, when they learned of his opposition to advertising, they booted him from their flying saucer. The writer-shaped hole created by Deck's impact is still visible in the Town Square.

Pastor Annabel Smyth

Jim Lewczyk

regular guy with lots of hippies who stay with him. He was found after a long absence in Kate's. An unfortunate run-in with the Spam Creature had left him coated in hardened Spam Jelly. His stiffness had caused him to be mistaken for a cigar-store Indian and turned into a lamp.

Meg Wilson

goes barefoot, lives in a treehouse but she doesn't remember where she put it. Claims to have seen a croquet game with hedgehogs for balls and flamingoes for mallets where Mingo was yelling "Off with their heads!" (foreshadowing)

chris (H. O'Kennon)

the guy who spends all his time trying to get Asian women to dip him in the town's water supply and collecting chocolate-covered manhole covers. He also runs the local daycare center.

The Trousered Ferret

(formerly the Quainte Olde Englishe Pubbe), Mike Truman, proprietor. Named after the quaint East Anglian pastime of sticking a ferret down your trousers and seeing how long you can keep it there. Mike has a handlebar moustache. Serena is the barmaid.

MWVille Funeral Home and Freezer

Starburst Media

Armando's

for romantic rendezvous

The Button Shop

The Chrome Place for the techie types

Alexander von Thorn

silver DeLorean that occasionally runs; is building a tower so he can view the ever-retreating information horizon.

Dave Schofield

just another hippie wandering about town

Teresa Robeson

lurker with delusions that she is Jack Mingo's groupie

Maris

a drifter and her wheelchair, which contains her latest story

Douglas Wyman

Village deputy

Rheal Nadeau (the Rhealist)

responsible for the Daily Rhealist, the local newspaper

Julie

Old Victorian 1/4 mile down Devil's Backbone Road, the curvy dirt road off Jack's Highway. House has a ghost, a cook, a handsome live-in housekeeper and a daycare.

The Mingo Memorial Opera House

a decaying theater that Jacey is restoring for plays and other cultural events

Donna Sawyer

doomed to drive around MWVille but never enter it.

Harry Claude Cat

first mentioned in the Archives when he bit Jack Mingo on the ankle for neglecting to mention him in a post. Relationship is still going downhill.

Anneli Meyer

wanted to buy a coffee shop

Pommy's

Indian restaurant (now closed)

The One Source recycling plant

operates around the clock, burning unwanted manuscripts

Solidarity Supply Store.

Kathie Meyer, prop. Supplier of supports for writers and newsgroups, such as: glue for sticking together, House and Garden Thread Killer, James Leonard and Susan Day Troll/Voodoo Dolls, Drab Camouflage wear

Ye Olde Scribe and Strumpet

a pub on the malarial flats south of MWVille that caters to newbies.

Madame Bonnie (Stewart)

Bonnie's Boudoir, where Canadians go to hear Ivy League-educated girls "wax eloquently on the dark musings of Leonard Cohen and the syrupy soulfulness of Gordon Lightfoot."

Sparky

William Mize

lives on the outskirts of town in a "one level, sprawling, Frank Lloyd Wright kinda house" with Little Elvis, a weimeraner.

Warren

water diviner

Jill Sauder

MWVille ass't librarian (Claire being head librarian). Lives in a Blue Georgian in the middle of the Grammar Block; house has a Pennsylvanian flag on its pole and a cockatoo in its hedge.

Library

corner of Main and Grammar Block

D.Y.

Lonesome Accordian; may also be owner of Pommy's

Tasty Diner

corner of Cheltenham Street and S.R. 355 (for the last 70 years or so) Ripping it down and replacing it with a shopping center is the first mention of development in the Archives.

Kathie

lives in the craftsman style home in the old section of town off Main Street.

Mark A Danielson

keeps word processor locked in basement--house, except for solarium and library, is an exercise in controlled chaos. Later opened a drugstore off the main square. Features a soda fountain, magazine and book rack and a pharmacy (open to anyone who can forge a doctor's signature.)

Troy Earl Camplin

owner of Deloni's, an Italian restaurant. He lives on the outskirts and has a greenhouse for orchids and an oriental garden with a goldfish pond.

Kevin M. Roberts

claims that his brother was banned from MWVille for not being literary. Kevin was kicked out of town for drinking but came back. Plans to open a vegetarian restaurant [sic]. Later, he answered an ad in the MWTimes and became the caretaker of the MWCemetery and MWForest. Lives in a cobblestone building in the cemetery.

Janet McDonald

the little old lady in the purple and green bungalow down by the beach (two doors from Ms. Atri's B&B)

Rosey Cheeks

owner, Rita Winn. Establishment is a massage parlor, sauna, and tanning salon.

Judi Fleming

runs the seasonal fruit and vegetable stand next to Kate's Bar and Grille. Also owns a farm outside of town (destroyed in a tornado/some other disaster). Keeps wolfhounds.

Liz Holliday

owns the Tea Shop with a wall that leads elsewhere.

Kerry Hart

plans to settle

Stanley J. Shursky

clerk in the Split Infinitives Shop on the corner of Writer's Block. Is the town curmudgeon and anecdote collector

Brian Larsson

who is stuck at the airport because Jack Mingo promised to pick him up but forgot about it

Sir Loutha (Jason Scott Williams)

a retired reclusive, eccentric knight who lives in a spooky old castle on top of Widow's Hill with his goblin/squire/servant/ Igor.

Ms. Atri

owner of an unnamed bed and breakfast inn on the beach.

Dorothy J. Heydt

Cricket player. Lives several miles out of town on the high bluffs that overlook the sea in a house that resembles an old shed.

Mike Thomas

lives in a sailboat moored at the commercial docks. Hangs out at Edna's, a waterfront establishment.

John's Stationary, John V. Ashby, proprietor

Idea Bank

owned by Rose Swicegood. deposit your ideas, let them ferment and withdraw them at your leisure--a *novel* concept.

James Gaskin

lives in the old Baptist Church on the square with the two-story parsonage and the Sunday School playground. The sanctuary is the MWVille Chamber Music Hall, where his flute ensemble, the Endpapers, play.

The Book Turners Club

housed in one of the former Sunday School classrooms at the former Baptist Church (see above)

Equus

owner of a travel agency across from the bank.

Writing Prostitute

Donald A. O'Shall

Dr. Sigfried Fraud, BS, PhD, MD, PCP, KGB

Mad Inventor & Purveyor of Pseudopsychology [sic]; lives in a cross between a castle and a dilapidated old Victorian mansion, since he suffered from indecision while building the place.

Dave Gardner

lived in a beach bungalow down the way from Dorothy's. His was the bungalow with the "South Seas" ambience and the fruitbats in the rafters. The bungalow was swept out to sea when Dave's employer trashed his Usenet acess during an upgrade; Dave can occasionally be seen on the horizon as he waves frantically at the denizens on shore.

Kristen's Very Unusual Grocery Emporium Und Feed Shop

on the corner of Adverb Lane and Shakespeare Boulevard, out on the West Side of Town.

Bowling Alley

Village Museum/Jail

University

Lonesome Accordion Bingo Hall and Laundromat

Sharpy

PC-not-DC

The Last Real Marlboro Man

shot down in the streets of MWVille by someone who thought that he stood for cigarettes and smoking instead of virtue, the outdoors, and rugged individualism

The Meach

owner of a "Gym cum Physical Therapy Unit cum Chop Shop" with bicycles for rent, an outdoor track, indoor equipment, and an outdoor ice skating rink in the winter.

Community Theater

Granmaw's Place

run by Marguerite Petersen, a Victorian mansion on the hill. Extra bedrooms for *interesting* visitors, a natural garden, and a cave, where her husband lives. There is a new attack kitty, aptly named Kiri (after the goddess of destruction.) Guests are also cautioned that "Wolfie" does not bite *unless* one does NOT stop to pet him.

Penthesileia, Queen of the Amazons (a.k.a. PQA)

and Fluffy, the Wonder Stallion, who kicked Joan Collins for using purple, overblown prose to describe his stallionness.

Political Square

The Spam Creature

made of Spam, it shambles about town, begging people to "MAKE MONEY FAST!!!"

The Giant Twinkie (thankfully gone)

Fidlits

brainless drooling creatures that infested MWVille thanks to an uncaring tour bus driver. The Old Man did a "Pied Piper" and led them to the White-Out Pits.

The Lava Tubes

a series of caves and tunnels under MWVille. Home of the White-Out Pits, the Nyctalops Cafe (now closed) and a treasure.

Pixies

twenty-three of them live in the tunnels with their mentor, a fat man known only as "The Boss." Occasionally, they infest MWVille.

Peavine Supply

the place to go for gardening supplies and other hardware. Next door is the MWVille Community Garden, irritant of Isaac Ran-Fast, would-be developer of MWVille.

One Jack Mingo Plaza--project of Isaac Ran-Fast

The Font of Submission

Jenna Thomas-McKie, cleric. A non-denominational chapel located on the corner across from Kate's. Architect was Escher, who stole the blueprints to the Tardis. Large, 4-wheel drive red Chevy truck (aka Fred) parked in front. Oak trees in the yard. Front steps do not actually go up. It has an Olympic-sized baptismal pool. Also has a fireplace in the foyer for worshippers of the eternal flame (if they get too rowdy, into the pool they go!). Monstrous pipe organ (contact Mark Terribile for details - he installed the thing). Warning: Do not enter the choir loft; there is no exit. Demon Spawn lives in the bell tower; rumors of pixies in the recreational hall. The pulpit is installed backwards for those who prefer preaching to the choir.

The MWVille Memorial Flambe' Unit

the treatment center for flame-war inflicted injuries. Beneficiary of the Hospital Fund-raiser, a cocktail party/buffet dinner at which everyone's clothing disappeared and Chaos ensued.

Gang of Four (there is *no* conspiracy)

Karl's Garage

at mile marker 4 outside MWVille. Owned and operated by Carl. This is the source of warm soda, marshmellow peeps and Cadbury Eggs.

The Telephone Man and his dog Fred

The Town Drunk, Anna Halbert

PCVS, the Town Apparition

B.B's Newstand and Writing Supplies

Peachy's Thanxalot

MWVille's card shop (started by Norma Bruce; now owned by Peachy. The watch cat is We-Be-Three)

Hubert, the writer turned Birdman

The Sweet Shoppe and House o' Pleasure

formerly run by Lady Leigh with the capable help of Robert S. Fullmer, the Dungeon Master. Since they both got lives, the establishment is now shuttered

Chuck Dammit, Private Investigator

Hanks-A-Lot, MWVille's Yarn Shop

on Praeteritio Avenue. Owned by The Pedantic Woman and Wendy Chatley Green. Home of the Golden Fleece, which will cure Writer's Block if stroked once. Stroke it more than once and you are doomed to write long, repetitious poems a la Homer for the rest of your life. The Fleece is currently missing and a danger to all in the village.

The A&P Grocery, owned by Waneta

The Baked Alaska Coffeehouse, owned by Eliska

The MWVille train

The Editor

currently working on a Manuscript of Dr. Fraud's, which may explain how to write the perfect sex scene.

The MWVille Monastery

its care-taker is the (orange-robed) monk

Impeccable Manor

a sprawling estate that is home to Mike Upchurch and his Perpetual Party. Nude sunbathers enjoy the immense deck overlooking the lake. The fencing salon upstairs features strips for both literal and figurative duels. Thanks to silk/Kevlar/titanium alloy slipcovers and other materials created through the joint efforts of Peavine Supply and Fiat Lux, Impeccable Manor is virtually stain-proof. A home cinema shows movies based on great works of literature. or the ladies, reruns of the Olympic men's track and swimming events show twice a week.

Ready Eddie's Post Cards of MWV:

place of business is a table with a canvas roof on the Square.

The _I Scream Shop_

for frustrated writers. The shop features a roof-mounted PA system, five rooms of crockery for throwing, full-sized Audio-Animatronic mannequins in the dungeons, and a special version of Mortal Kombat with a database of editors' names and faces. This business is the unnamed alleyway around the corner of Heming's Way and Writer's Block.

MWVille's Rent-A-Life

proprietor is Lavina, who owns a cloak of invisibility and sits at the stool by the Closet at Kate's (don't sit there without asking if it is occupied.) Lavina lives in a brightly-painted caravan.

The burnt-out vitriol plant

The Old Man

known for his white linen suit and his excess of, ahem, dignity.

Mark Terribile

who lives in a house-of-many-houses at the end of Goedel (past Aleph Null Terrace, where Cantor cuts the numbered streets on the diagonal).

Fiat Lux Physics Shoppe

where impossible things are built, owned by Euphonia Dayze, PhD and The Tygor. Above the shop is an apartment that contains the Closet of Many Things (c.f. Reinforcement Code permit, appended). B. Rogers' Space Navy Surplus occupies a quonset hut at the rear.

MLGoodell, an easily-bought councilman

lives in a log cabin down by the swamp until he gets One Mingo Plaza, a multi-story plaza, built.

Ed (aka The Visitor) Humphries

(normally cloaked but observing). Sometimes found in the fields west of town riding his horse with noname.

The "Things Found" Antique store

in the "New Orleans" section of MWVille. The store owner is Shadow, who is very good at acquiring unusual items or retrieving things. A wolf protects the premises when Shadow isn't there.

The Davida Maye (or Maye not) singing chocolate shoppe

Note that all the windows are covered, since there are no peeps allowed! Specialities are: Chocolate chicken crossing the road, Writers Block chocolate, Fund 'o U chocolate, Dead white Writers melted away chocolate. Davida Chazen, absentee owner

Choco Kasher Synagoge

Davida Chazen is the guest cantor

Loryn

lives behind Kate's in the little blue house with the big office in the back. The house looks normal but it houses strange people.

Ken Jenks

who set himself as a publisher only to run afoul of the zoning codes.

Club Nu

owned by microserf and trashed by Celtic Love God. It is the place to see and be seen table-dancing.

The Advice Shoppe

owned by ellie and her cantaloupe-loving cat

Joel's Joint

a redneck bar in the low-rent district: a temporary sty for pigs who litter the village with spams, flames and other detritus. The barkeep, Oscar, loves his collection of shrunken heads (hung above the bar) which he claims once belonged to editors and critics. An open fire burns rejection slips. The Joint is home to a Contract Bridge & Politics Club, which welcomes new members.

Compiled by Wendy Chatley Green